Banes S. Lal
Not so long ago, I attended our Easter Conference. Sitting with the Christians and hearing the Word of God in ministry and the gospel was quite heartwarming. But as I sat with my family, we noticed quite a few young families with young children and babies were either hungry, uncomfortable or just trying to vie for attention. Let me be clear; there is nothing wrong with babies or even young children making a little bit of noise. However, I noticed a handful of young fathers who barely lifted their fingers to help their wives, some of whom were very much pregnant with their next child.
I asked myself, "Why wouldn't these young men help their wives?" I asked my wife. I asked my two daughters. These young men just tried to ignore the situation while their wives did the heavy lifting.
This scenario was disappointing. Shouldn't our wives also enjoy the ministry or hear the gospel being preached? As a father myself, we men are equally responsible for raising our children.
Raising children is a great responsibility and privilege God has given parents. However, in many cultures, parenting is often seen as primarily a woman's responsibility, and men are not expected to be as involved in the day-to-day care of their children. But as Christian men, we are called to take an active role in raising our children with our wives, sharing the responsibility equally as parents. In this two-part blog post, we will explore how Christian men can participate in raising their children with their wives, sharing this commitment equally as parents.
First and foremost, we need to understand that parenting is a partnership between a husband and wife. God designed marriage to be a partnership where both partners work together to fulfill His purposes. However, in many Christian families, men struggle to participate equally in raising their children with their wives. The reasons for this struggle are complex, but some common themes emerge from theological and social perspectives.
One of the key reasons Christian men struggle to participate in raising children is the cultural expectation that men are supposed to be the primary breadwinners and providers for their families. This cultural expectation can lead to the belief that a man's primary responsibility is to work and earn money and that child-rearing and housework are primarily the domain of women.
However, this understanding of gender roles is not necessarily supported by scripture. In fact, the Bible presents a more nuanced view of gender roles and responsibilities within the family. For example, Proverbs 31 describes a woman who is a capable and industrious worker while also caring for her family and household. In the New Testament, Paul describes the ideal Christian household as one where both the husband and wife submit to one another in love (Ephesians 5:21-33). This suggests that both partners have equal responsibility for the household and the children.
Ephesians 5:21-25 states, "submitting to one another in the fear of God. Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her." In this passage, we see that the husband is called to love his wife sacrificially, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. This means that he should be willing to put his own needs and desires aside for the sake of his wife and family. Likewise, the wife is called to submit to her husband's leadership, just as the church submits to Christ. This does not mean that she is inferior to her husband, but rather that she recognizes his God-given role as the head of the household.
I want to make something clear: as some might need clarity. Wives are not doormats, nor should they be treated as one!
Nowhere in this or any other passage in the Bible do we see that parenting is solely the mother's responsibility. Instead, we see that both husband and wife are called to love and care for their children.
Another reason why Christian men may struggle to participate in raising their children is the lack of role models for active fatherhood within the church or the broader Christian community. This lack of role models can perpetuate the belief that fatherhood is primarily a supportive or secondary role rather than an equal partnership with the mother. In some cases, Christian men may also feel pressure to conform to gender norms that suggest that being emotionally involved in their children's lives is not masculine or godly.
Raising children is a shared responsibility between both parents. Christian men have an essential role to play in nurturing and guiding children. By being actively involved in their daily lives, sharing in discipline and training, and leading by example, we can help our children grow into mature, responsible adults who love and serve the Lord. In Proverbs 22:6, we read, "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it." This verse emphasizes the importance of teaching children the right way to live from an early age, and this is something that both parents should be involved in.
In part two, we will look into how as Christian men, we should lead by example in our own lives. Our children are watching and learning from us, and we are responsible for modelling the behaviour and attitudes we want to see in them. This means living a life of integrity, honesty, and compassion and treating our wives with love and respect.
Read Part 2 Here, Shared Parenting
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