Banes S. Lal
Self-love is a topic often discussed among Christian circles, and for a good reason. We, believers, are called to love others and ourselves as Christ loved us. However, it's essential to recognize that there can be a dark side to self-love.
When we believe in the Lord Jesus and surrender our lives to Him, we receive the gift of eternal life and are transformed by the Holy Spirit (John 3:16; Romans 8:9). This transformation means that we are empowered to live in a way that is pleasing to God, even when it is difficult or goes against our own desires. By having the Lord at the center of our lives, we are able to find peace and fulfillment in life, despite its ups and downs, because we know that our ultimate hope is in Him. The Bible teaches us that Jesus said, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me" (John 14:6). This means that Jesus is not just a part of our lives, but He is the foundation of our lives.
On the other hand, let us look at self-love, a more recent concept emphasizing the importance of valuing and caring for oneself. While self-care and self-compassion are important, this can lead to a form of idolatry if we make those the center of our lives. The Bible teaches us to love our neighbours as ourselves (Mark 12:31), but this doesn't mean that we are to make ourselves the center of our lives. Instead, it means we are to put others before ourselves and seek to serve and love others in the same way that Jesus loved us.
It's important to note that having Jesus at the center of our lives doesn't mean we neglect self-care or self-compassion. Instead, it means that our ultimate priority and identity are in Christ Jesus. Our love for ourselves is rooted in that relationship with Him.
It is also possible to balance the concepts of self-love and to put Jesus first, but this requires a change in our priorities and an intentional effort to make Him the center of our lives. With empathy and compassion, we can understand that this can be a difficult journey, as we all struggle with our own selfish desires and tendencies. However, by seeking to know the Lord Jesus more deeply, we can find the strength to put Him first and love others in a way that honours Him.
One of the most common pitfalls of self-love, when not kept in check, is that it can become self-obsession. When we become fixated on our own image, we can become overly critical of ourselves, constantly striving for perfection and setting impossible standards. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy, depression, and anxiety. There is a danger of becoming self-isolated. The Bible teaches us to be content with who we are and not conform to the patterns of this world but rather to be transformed by renewing our minds. In Philippians 4:11, Paul says, "Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content." It's crucial to remember that self-love should be about accepting and valuing ourselves, flaws and all, and not about trying to achieve an unattainable ideal.
Another issue that can arise from self-love is the tendency to indulge in unhealthy behaviour such as overeating, overspending, or overindulging in alcohol or drugs. The Bible teaches us to honour God with our bodies and to be careful about what we put into them. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 says, "Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God's." While it is essential to take care of ourselves, it's equally important to be mindful of our actions and their impact on our overall well-being.
If we're completely honest with ourselves, you'll agree that we live in an era when having the ideal body and "appearance" is valued. Billions of dollars are spent promoting how we "should" look. We are constantly bombarded with ads telling us that we shouldn't have wrinkles, that we should have a youthful face, that we should have a specific body type, that we should wear makeup to look a certain way, and so on. Have you ever experienced critical thoughts about your appearance in your head? Many of us would say "yes" to that question. The key is to learn to ignore the idle chatter of others and accept yourself just as you are right now. The truth is that there is no such thing as perfection. Everyone was formed uniquely and, most importantly, in God's likeness.
The Bible mentions our naturally self-absorbed disposition. Ephesians 2: 3, "among whom also we all once conducted ourselves in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, just as the others." This selfish nature goes back to the dawn of humanity. When Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit, it was to satisfy their selfish cravings.
But having the Lord at the centre of our lives means that Christ loves us and gives us eternal comfort and hope through grace (2 Thess. 2:16). In short, in Jesus Christ, we have been given both a personal and a loving relationship with God, and in the world to come, life everlasting. Having Jesus at the centre of our lives means we seek to understand and follow His teachings and strive to live our lives in a way that honours Him. It means that we seek to develop a personal relationship with Jesus and surrender our desires and plans to His will for our lives. In this sense, our identity and purpose are rooted in Him rather than our accomplishments, relationships, or material possessions. We can approach this journey with grace and understanding, knowing that we are not alone and God is always with us, helping us grow in our faith and love others in His name.
Although there are quite a few points to emphasize, here are five points to consider. Biblical self-love encompasses love for God and others, a proper and healthy love toward ourselves. God doesn't want us to go through our life filled with disappointment, or insecurities about ourselves. Remember, God has created us perfectly in His image.
Self-love enables us to forgive ourselves for our shortcomings and mistakes, just as God has forgiven us through His grace and mercy. "For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses" (Matthew 6:14).
Self-love empowers us to set healthy boundaries in our relationships, both with others and with ourselves. "Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good" (Romans 12:9).
Self-love cultivates a positive mindset and outlook on life, which can lead to greater resilience, gratitude, and hope. "Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things" (Philippians 4:8).
Self-love is a testimony to others of God's love and grace. "Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven" (Matthew 5:16).
Self-love is a lifelong journey, and we are not meant to travel it alone. As we strive to love ourselves more fully, we can lean on the love and support of God and our fellow Christians, who can offer encouragement, accountability, and compassion. "Therefore comfort each other and edify one another, just as you also are doing" (1 Thessalonians 5:11).
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